for Cholktj -Poem

:YOU:
burning crystal light.
the fire kiss of kerosene. the adrenaline pumping through the veins.
you, ice-capped snow-drift cliff
I am HANGING on your tongue.
nervously waiting for the ice to melt, and scared that i may slip away, and slide right down your mountainous side...and hit the ground and explode.
and to explode in you, because of you, to BREAK APART and burst and then...
become all that wet softness and vulnerable brokenness that
disinegrates and shatters so thoroughly that it is ready to become and be created something new.
new, as the dew on the grass, the droplets of water in your hair, the tears down your cheeks,
oh my cheeks, the sobs choked in my throat.
the laughter mingling with all that suppressed sorrow.
and the taste of you, the eyes of you, the mean, tight, sharpness of your knife-cut jaw,
you carved young god,
you David,
you melting golden sphere...
your heart a beacon, the heat emanating loveliness
and light,
beaming from your eyes.
and do I deserve you?
oh, no one deserves anyone, but...
have I been true?
and kept you in my heart, and nurtured you, in kindness and in patience?
have I nested you as a bird will her chicks,
have I fed you from my mouth?
have I stuffed you in my kangaroo pouch and carried you on our way? and kept you warm?
have I been fierce in the shadows, and coy, and sly, and ready to growl and snap and kill those who come to harm you....?
but I've kept you all along, and then the parting came.
and the mother letting go of cubs is one thing.
the lover letting go of love is harder.
but keeping love? no letting love be, and grow, and thrive.
it's what beauty is all about.
but I want to feel your skin, and taste your tongue,
and hang onto it.
I want to hear your heart, FEEL your heart beat against my chest.
I want those eyes, so penetrating, to break me slowly, or aggressively, or kindly.

I have no power.
No leash upon you.
No perfect record of kindness.
the loyalty and trust, the safety of my arms...
I feel defiled. I feel powerless to be...
that perfect girl.

alone with my thoughts which so frequently ask to be murdered quite quickly and severely,
alone with my love which knows not how to escape.
distant and trying to give respectful distance.
These thoughts so distant and stupid,
then suddenly exploding.
exploding into nothingness, no matter consequential, surrender and be victim to this love, be its timeless slave. its devoted servant.
and all I have is that love, splashing out at you, wherever you are, an undying, ever desperate, love.
LOVE. love. LOVE. LOVE...
oh love. it almost hurts how much it pushes against the chest...to reach you.
so I let it go, to be swept on the wind, to be given to you, through whoever you let give it.
and oh love, to wind itself into your heart, to be inhaled in the breath before laughter.
oh love, to bring the sun to shining each day.
oh love to round the moon and spin the earth and she together.
oh love, to bind our hearts, and coincidentally free us...
forever.